Cat Abuse

Well, no – I didn't abuse my cats. I actually just washed them. But from my cat's perspective, it was a case inhumane treatment, plain and simple.

You all have heard tales of the main cat – Orenji – but most of you have seen neither hide nor hair of my black cat, Ebony, whom I more often address as "Blackie" in Korea, because it's cuter and somehow more snarky-sounding coming from a "black" man. Well, in her case, it's apropos, because she's dark as midnight, while I am more accurately described as a shade of brown, as are most American "black" people, anyway.

See, Ebony's a hider. Orenji was raised in a box by Namdaemun ajussis – like many superheroes were, in fact – and is quite social, albeit downright princessy and picky, despite being, technically, a boy. He's an "Oriental" breed of tabby, so sayeth the vet downstairs. They have a particular kind of face shape – and Ebony is the same breed, apparently.

And also, that Ebony – she dark. Seriously – like I have trouble finding her under the couch and stuff, because you can't see her unless she moves or opens her eyes; I gotta draw on all my Jurassic Park T-Rex instincts just to find her. All keying offa movement and whatnot.

I never bought that scene, by the way. Hmm – the greatest predator that ever lived, and he couldn't smell nearly 300 pounds of quivering man-flesh pissing itself right in front of his nose? I ain't no paleonologist, but with that huge frickin' beak of his, with the 6-inch long teeth and huge nasal cavity, the T-Rex only keys offa moving objects, like cats? Man, even my cats go conniptive when I crack the plastic on some dried squid. Surely living, shivering flesh is gonna register somewhere?

That's why the vet, when she came across Ebony, offered her to me. Man, she's a little 'fraidy cat, always scrambling to hide under the couch every time I get up to get a glass of water. Actually, she's come a long way from hiding under the couch for 3 days to now being quite social, despite not wanting to be touched. She likes to actually follow me from room to room, especially when I go sit in the bathroom. Smart cat that she is, she knows I can't grab her when I'm sitting on that toilet, so she sits right in front of me and mews. But when I get up, she backs off to maintain her requisite 2-meter space bubble from all humans.

Her and Orenji are quite close, when she's not whopping him upside the head. See, despite being the 'fraidy cat, she actually doesn't take much crap offa Orenji. But she is quite the pussy – ahem – when it comes to humans wanting "to hug her and kiss her and mmm, mmm, mmm, mmmmmmm!"

When it came to wash day, she was quite suspicious. And Orenji had gotten it first.

Ebony was smart. She heard Orenji's desperate mewing while in the humans' torture chamber and was predictably suspicious.

But she was, after much ado and drama, caught. And washed. Hehe. It wasn't abuse, but I certainly did have a bit too much fun, took a little too much glee, in her washing.

Hahahahahahaha. That has got to be the ugliest sight since...wait...no...

That's ugly, people. I love that darn cat, and she looks pretty good most of the time...but whew! Washed. Wow.

Comments

[Robin]

OK, for god's sake, WHY are you washing a perfectly good cat!!! I have never washed a cat in my life, well, except for that time one of my Mom's cat's rolled in something gross out in the yard. There's no reason too if they aren't heinously dirty.

But, yeah, cute pics. Have you seen this (http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/lioncut.asp)? Almost wet me pants.

[Mark]

Looks like one of those mummified Egyptian cats.

[Haisan]

You should send that last pic to MyCatHatesYou.com.

And as long as I am revealing my cat nerd knowledge:
http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/
http://stuffonmycat.com/
http://www.infinitecat.com
http://catsinsinks.com/
http://whatjeffkilled.com/index.html