And On the Home Front...

Found a curious link from a blog that is new to me, called KimChi Kids. Here the author recalls a day at the museum, in which she got treated to the ongoing and nerve-wrackingly subtle racism that definitely takes its toll on people; no wonder many Black folks almost pine for the "old days" when it was at least clear. But then again, most people actually think about what the "old days" actually meant and quickly break out of that reverie. An excerpt, regarding being condescended to by an old, white biddie at the science museum,:

When I tell this story to someone, say a coworker, I will witness a few eyerolls. Oh, for god's sake, give it up! It's not like they left a noose on your desk... oh, wait, even that's not such a big deal. Lighten up!

I wonder how they would feel if these itty-bitty not-so-subtle everyday racially motivated snubs came their way... every day... in front of their children... When they all add up, these incidents are not so mundane, not so subtle, not so 'not a big deal'...

So I am faced with a challenge. Do I pick a fight with every single person who chooses to be patronizing, be condescending, and pretend that I am invisible?

I like how that's articulated, and how she illustrates that it's most frustrating to have to deal with this in front of your kid all the time. And how do you prepare them to deal with the sad and pathetic people like the one described in her story?

Because, indeed, a noose on the desk is almost easy – there are bad people in this world and they dislike you because of your skin color – OK, not so bad. But it's the little subtle things that build up and work to convince you that you are what they think you are. That's the subtle kind of racism that one really has to work hard to keep out of your head.

In a comment to that blog post, Cat makes a really good point about people in America perhaps not standing up to their non-racist commitments in all situations:

It's interesting that over here in the expats in Korea blogosphere, we have been discussing this incident, with a lot of people surprised that no one intervened on the blogger's behalf. I wonder how many of the white expats here who are upset when they are treated badly have, when they are back home, listened to someone tell a racist joke, or make catcalls at someone, and be embarrassed but without doing anything.

Well said.

Comments

[MigukNamja]

Re Cat:

"I wonder how many of the white expats here who are upset when they are treated badly have, when they are back home, listened to someone tell a racist joke, or make catcalls at someone, and be embarrassed but without doing anything.

Well said."

Actually, quite clumsily said. Did Cat mean to insinuate that because I'm a white expat, I'm automatically insensitive to racial issues when the shoe is on the other foot ? Surely not.

Look, I'm a healthy believer in cynicism, irony, sarcasm, and other forms of constructive critique and debate, but I'm not a fan of fatalism and certainly not a fan of an insinuation that I'm automatically inclined to a certain behavior simply because of my skin color.

For the record, I don't visit or call my only living grandfather simply because he is racist and I don't tolerate it. I also don't hesitate to throw down with my wife's family when I hear bullshit flying.

So, Cat can kiss my white expat ass.

Also, I'd comment on Kimchi Mamas as well, but I can't figure how to comment/reply.

[Michael Hurt]

Well, I think I see Cat's point though, which wasn't to call out anyone individually, but question the great indignance at being discriminated against here as a racial minority and call Korea racist, but at the same time be ultra-conservative about racial politics back home.

I've heard this one a lot from white expats: "Now I know what discrimination feels like." Sure. Somewhat, I'd say. But it's not so clear-cut. White privilege is something many white people can still take advantage of even here, and certainly back home when they return. But yet, I hear from some of the very people who heartily condemn Korea and its "backwardness" and "racism" rail and fight against the notion of white patriarchy existing back home.

And I, too, wonder if, when it's Thanksgiving time and everyone's sitting around the table, and someone starts in on "those backward Hmong I saw at the mall" or something like that, if that person would stand up and say, "Hey! That's not cool, and I won't have it." If that's you, kudos to you, MigukNamja. If it's not, well, I think that's a clear conflict.

Not using you as the object of analysis, MN, but just for example's sake.

I'm saying that in the case of all us expats being like, "Man, Korean racism is fucked up!" I'd sure like to have that support when I go back home, and the old lady is giving me the eye and following me around the store, or clutching their children to their breasts when a Muslim man boards the airplane, or locks their doors when they see me walk by cars at a stoplight.

I just hope that these white expats "experience being a minority" doesn't get forgotten about on the plane ride back home.

[Cat]

Hmm. Wow. This is awkward.

For the record, what I meant was exactly what Michael has inferred, perhaps clumsily stated, given MigukNamja's interpretation.

My experience here has been that there are a lot of white expats who are indeed quick to condemn Korea as backward or racist, and I wondered "how many" of them would also take the social risk of condemning a coworker or family member doing or saying racist things back home. How many of them would even recognize subtle discrimination and be willing to call it that? Some would, of course, but some, I believe, would not.

I was responding to the statement in the other blog's post about it being too heavy for the person being discriminated against to wage war against everyday racism by herself. I believe that until more people are willing to stand up and call racism by it's name instead of being disapproving but silent that we will see progress.

As for myself, I've become more sensitive here, I believe, to just how emotionally draining it can be to always be seen as "the other" and as a "foreigner," even when not faced with overt discrimination or harassment. I hope I remember this feeling if/when I return to the States and be able to call out subtle racism and white privilege when I see it.

[MigukNamja]

Michael and Cat,

Both of you have put more thought into this subject than I have, I think. I also apologize for my snarky commenting and especially my rude invitation to Cat to "kiss my white expat ass".

As it is, I had a nice discussion with Cat - in person - last night about this topic. This discussion was possible because, well, Cat and I are married ! I've seen quite a few "Cat"s no the Korean blogosphere and I mistaken this particular Cat for someone else besides my wife.

On the bright side, I don't play favorites and Cat (my wife) reacted quite well despite my public insult - kudos to one of us for keeping a level head and being gracious. I'm also not making this retraction and public apology at her insistence - she's incredibly forgiving and emotionally mature.

On the not-so-bright-side, I'm a complete ass for insulting my wife in public.

*shame shame shame*

[The Metropolitician]

Yeah, kinda had me confused there, since you had been talking about the "little cat" as Kitten and a get-together. Hehe. It's a good story, though, right? Kinda like that movie "Dasepo", which involved another online interaction that turns into a "Doh!" moment, albeit far, far more awkward than this one.

Have you guys seen the movie? I think you'd both get a kick out of it at this point. Renter for this weekend?

[Cat]

Definitely need to see that movie. ;-) We did have an interesting discussion, though, and the mixup is pretty funny now that you think about it.