Scribblings of the Metropolitician

Another Blog to Watch...

Just got an email and an announcement (at least it was news to me) of a blog that the owner describes as "the Korean version of the Onion." That it seems to be. It is called "The Yangpa."

The blog owner flattered me by pointing out three blog posts that were inspired directly from my own. I think they're pretty funny, especially the Hwang Wooseok slam and the Hines Ward post, which was, according to the The Yangpa's writer, written "before I had any idea that Hines Ward actually would come to Korea and pick up accolades. Go figure." Yes, indeedy.

I found this funny:

"Who is the Pride of Korea This Week?"

"Half of Hines Ward Received Prestigious Award"

"The Yangpa's Do's and Don'ts of Body Paint"

We'll keep on eye on this blog, which I think has been up and running for a couple of months. Keep on postin'!

Umm...As I Was Saying II...

Last year, I did a photo essay/article on the effects of the Special Anti-Prositution Law on the industry, in which I came to the conclusion that there had indeed been very little effect. Ho-hum. No surprise.

Now, the Ministry of Gender Equality has declared the law a success. Pshaw. Talk about self-delusion and bureaucratic efforts to keep one's head in the sand. It's sad, really sad, that such a potentially useful governmental body – think about if the United States had a Department of Social Justice or some such – does nothing really useful and may have in fact, ended up making things worse.

This report, translated by The Marmot, lays out, in good ole' fashioned muckraking style, the fact that the "crackdown" has indeed 1) done little to actually shut down the red-light districts and other formal prostitution establishments in question, and 2) has simply forced "the industry" to diversify and actually increase availability of existing as well as brand-new services.

Even this blogger and photographer, who has walked the streets and and talked with some of the people who know this world the best, has never heard of most of the new stuff that has been popping up all 'round Seoul as a direct result of this law. Between the "handjob rooms" and even the import of Japanese-style "fetish clubs," even my sordid self is surprised. Wow.

I'll make official here what I always say in my university lectures would be a far more effective action to take in an effort to reduce levels of concrete gender discrimination in Korean society. Simply outlaw required pictures on resumes as a start. There is actually no need for them, other than to encourage people to keep appearance as a standard in the initial round of hiring. Since it's going to come in as a factor when people get to the interview process anyway, why tip the scales towards overt and oppressive levels of gender discrimination?

The scribbling on the top of the resume reads: "Too old."

Ministry of Gender Equality – how about starting light and small? Instead of say, trying to eliminate a sweeping, economically and culturally entrenched societal institution in one fell swoop, how about putting forth myriad smaller measures to counteract the many nodes and zones of gender inequality that partially creates the conditions that lead young women to enter the sex industry in the first place?

In a society in which women's bodies still continue to be used, displayed, and valued for one thing, perhaps the Ministry should try hacking away at the many foundational parts of the problem, instead of trying to blow away only one head of the hydra with a 20-gauge Mossberg shotgun?

Just call me crazy, I guess.

Umm...As I Was Saying...?

For those of you who castigated me for even daring to suggest that perhaps there might be some less-than-flattering links between Nazi (어머머 - he used the "N-Word!"), Japanese, and even Korean racial/national ideologies – check out this post done with the help of two great K-Bloggers, The Marmot and Antti (they're both in my links). The original post is here, which is quite information and provides the original Korean. I've stolen that for you below, lest it disappear.

I'm not saying nuthin' about any concrete historical links between North Korea and said "N-Word" ideologies, but the resemblance of both its general ideological manifestation and even the specific tenets it espouses are frightening. Ideologically, North Korea has cut itself off from the rest of the world, making the time capsule-like quality of its rhetoric in a world influenced by all kinds of changing thinking about race, culture, and nation over the last 50 years quite fascinating actually.

And more than even the Nazis, what struck me as even more ironically interesting is how much the Norkies' "Asian race" over the imperialist West reminds me – and quite starkly so – of the justification for Japanese notions of race as it fit into their imperial schemes.

Now, before people start roasting me for implying that I think North Korea is trying to take over the world or establish some kind of North Korean version of a "Co-Prosperity Sphere", let me just say that certain similarities are patently obvious, and I am just pointing them out. With that, one might also be able to say that there are implications for what this means when you stick this up against South Korean ideology in relation to race and nation, which is definitely forced to interact with more critical and liberal interpretations of such things.

Sometimes, in reading North Korean rhetorical rantings, I have felt that the Norkies have sometimes had a point (although often drowned in needless boasting and propagandistic rhetoric), but this is a case in which the North's standoffishness, resistance to change, and true hermitism has left it standing out as an embarrassing anachronism that truly reminds one of the Bad Ole' Days of times and dangerous ideologies past.

Here's the translation of this Rodong Sinmun article, lifted from Antti's post:

로동신문 《<다민족,다인종사회>론은 민족말살론》

(평양 4월 27일발 조선중앙통신)27일부 《로동신문》은 《<다민족,다인종사회>론은 민족말살론》이라는 제목으로 된 다음과 같은 개인필명의 론평을 실었다.

최 근 남조선에서 우리 민족의 본질적특성을 거세하고 《다민족,다인종사회》화를 추구하는 괴이한 놀음이 벌어지고있다. Recently bizarre pursuits for a 'multinational, multiracial society' are appearing in South Korea, weakening the basic characteristics of our nation.

이 소동의 연출자들은 남조선이 미국인 등 여러 인종의 피가 섞인 《혼혈의 지역》이라느니, 《페쇄적인 민족주의 극복》이니, 미국과 같은 《다민족국가의 포용성과 개방성》이니 하는 황당한 설을 들고나오고있다. The perpetrators of this agitation are presenting strange ideas like "area of mixed blood", "overcoming the close-minded nationalism" or "inclusiveness and openness of a multinatioal country" like United States.

말마디자체도 민족적감정에 칼질하는것이지만 보다 엄중한것은 이 반민족적인 《다민족,다인종사회》론이 벌써 론의단계를 벗어났다는데 있다. 이미 지금까지 《단군의 후손》,《한피줄》,《한겨레》 등을 강조하여온 초등학교,중고등학교교과서에 2009년부터 《다인종,다민족문화》와 관련된 내용을 포함시키며 《국제결혼가정》,《외국인근로자가정》 등의 용어도 《다문화가정》으로 바꾸기로 하였다.

민족적분노를 금할수 없게 하는 말그대로의 망동이 아닐수 없다. This is nothing but agitation which necessarily evokes national wrath.

결 론부터 말한다면 남조선의 친미사대매국세력이 운운하는 《다민족,다인종사회》론은 민족의 단일성을 부정하고 남조선을 이민족화,잡탕화,미국화하려는 용납 못할 민족말살론이다. The conclusion of this is that the "multinational, multiracial society" of the South Korean pro-US flunkeyist traitor forces denies the unity of the Korean people (minjok), displaces, muddles, and Americanizes the Korean people, and is an unforgivable idea for national destruction.

민 족은 력사적으로 형성된 민족성원들의 사회생활단위이고 운명공동체이며 해당 민족은 다른 민족과 구별되는 특성이 있어 민족으로 존재하는것이다. 사람들의 운명과 사회발전은 민족과 떼여놓고 생각할수 없다. 민족성은 개별적인 사람과 사회발전에서 중요한 무기로 된다. 하기에 모든 민족이 자기의 고유성을 귀중히 여기고 우수성을 부각시키며 그것으로 민족성원들을 각성,단합시키는데 힘을 넣고있다. 《세계화》의 물결이 어지럽게 범람하는 오늘날 그에 대처하여 민족성을 더욱 내세우며 그 보호의 장벽을 쌓으면 쌓았지 스스로 부정하는 나라와 민족은 없다.

지배주의와 식민주의가 약소민족들의 운명을 위협하는 현실에서 우리 단일민족의 고유성과 우수성을 부정하는것은 민족의 정신무장해제를 설교하는 반역행위이다.

《다민족,다인종사회》론을 제창해나서는 남조선의 친미매국세력은 민족관과 사회력사발전에 대한 초보적인 리해조차 없는것은 물론 한쪼박의 민족의 넋도 없는 얼간망둥이들이다.
South Korean pro-US traitors of the nation, proposing the idea of "multinational, multiracial society" are fools who do not have the faintest idea of the national consciousness (minjokkwan) and social and historical development, and are empty of any national spirit.

단 일성은 세상 어느 민족에게도 없는 우리 민족의 자랑이며 민족의 영원무궁한 발전과 번영을 위한 투쟁에서 필수적인 단합의 정신적원천으로 된다. 민족의 단일성이 그처럼 귀중하기에 그것을 살리기 위해 우리 겨레가 피와 목숨을 바쳐 장구하고 험난한 통일의 길을 걸어온것이며 지금은 애국의 열정을 다해 6.15통일시대를 가꾸어가고있는것이다. 민족의 단일성을 살려나가지 않는다면 미국의 지배주의책동앞에서 민족도 개개인의 운명도 지켜낼수 없으며 독도령유권주장에 비낀 일본반동들의 재침기도도 막아낼수 없다. 《다민족,다인종사회》론의 반민족성은 바로 민족자체를 부정하고 나라와 민족을 제국주의자들에게 내맡긴다는데 있다.

온 겨레가 힘을 합쳐 갈라진 조국을 통일하고 단일민족의 존엄과 위용을 높이 떨치자고 하는 때에 남조선에서 민족부정론,민족말살론이 나왔다는데 보다 엄중한 문제가 있다. 지금은 북과 남이 60여년간의 분렬을 끝장내고 민족의 구조적인 단일성을 확립해가는 자주통일시대이며 이 시대의 대세는 《우리 민족끼리》이다. 《다민족,다인종사회》론은 이 시대의 기본리념을 거세하는 독소이고 반통일론리이다. 남조선에서 겨레의 지향에 배치되는 반민족론이 제창되는것은 명백히 북과 남을 혈통이 서로 다른 지대로 만들고 6.15통일시대를 가로막으며 민족을 영구분렬시키려는 《한나라당》을 비롯한 친미족속들의 범죄적인 기도와 미국의 배후조종의 결과이다.

남 조선에서 제기되는 혼혈인문제에 대해 말한다면 그것은 전적으로 미국의 남조선에 대한 군사적강점의 산물이다. 이러한 비극적현실을 끝장내기 위해 미군철수의 기치를 들지는 못할망정 오히려 그것을 사회화하려 하고있으니 얼마나 쓸개빠진자들인가.

남조선에서 민족적수치와 분노를 금할수 없게 하는 《다민족,다인종사회》론이 공공연히 나돌고 그것을 현실에 적용하려는 움직임이 나오고있는것은 세계를 일극화하려는 미국의 범죄적책동이 얼마나 위험한것인가를 그대로 보여준다.

남 조선의 각계각층 인민들은 주체성과 민족성을 저버린 나머지 우리 민족의 혈통마저 흐리게 하고 민족자체를 말살하려는 사대매국세력의 반민족적책동을 단호히 배격하여야 한다.그리고 우리 민족제일주의와 《우리 민족끼리》의 기치를 더욱 높이 들고 민족을 지키고 통일을 이룩하기 위한 애국투쟁에 적극 떨쳐나서야 할것이다.(끝)



Oooook. Here's The Marmot's:

Recently, in South Korea, a strange game pursuing the weakening of the fundamental character of our race and making society “multiethnic and multiracial” is unfolding.

Those responsible for this commotion are spreading confounding rumors like South Korea is a “multiracial area” mixed with the blood of Americans and several other races, how we must “overcome closed ethnic nationalism,” and we must embrace “the inclusiveness and openness of a multiethnic nation” like the United States.

The words themselves take a knife to the feeling of our people, but even more serious is that this anti-national theory of “multiethnic, multiracial society” has already gone beyond the stage of discussion. Already, they’ve decided that from 2009, content related to “multiracial, multiethnic culture” would be included in elementary, middle and high school textbooks that have until now stressed that Koreans are the “descendents of Dangun,” “of one blood line” and “one race,” and to change the terms “families of international marriage” and “families of foreign laborers” to “multicultural families.”

This is an outrage that makes it impossible to repress the rage of the people/race.

To start from the conclusion, the argument for “multiethnic, multiracial society” cried for by pro-American flunkeyists in South Korea is an unpardonable argument to obliterate the race by denying the homogeneity of the Korean race and to make an immigrant society out of South Korea, to make it a hodgepodge, to Americanize it.

The race (ethnic group) is a social unit of ethnic components formed historically and a community sharing the same fate, and said race exists because it has a character that distinguishes it from other races. Ethnic identity becomes an important weapon in personal and social development. Because of this, all races value their uniqueness and highlight their excellence, and by doing so give strength to awakening and unifying the components of the race. Today, with the wave of “globalization” inundating the world, nations have confronted it and insisted on their ethnic character and built walls to protect it; there is not one nation or race that has denied itself.

In a reality where domination and colonialism threatens the faces of weaker races, to deny the the uniqueness and excellence of our homogenous race is an act of treason preaching the spiritual disarmament of the race.

The pro-American traitors singing the arguments of “multiethnic, multiracial society” have not even a basic understanding of the race’s point of view or the historical development of society and are silly asses without even the slightest ethnic spirit.

Homogeneity, which no other race in the world has, is the pride of our race and becomes the source of the unity needed in the struggle for eternal development and prosperity. Because the homogeneity of the race is so precious, our people have sacrificed blood and lives to walk the long and difficult path of reunification, and now we are cultivating the June 15 era of reunification with all our patriotic fervor. If we cannot save the homogeneity of the race, we cannot protect the fate of either the race of the individual before American schemes for domination, nor can we block the schemes of the Japanese reactionaries to reinvade based on claims of sovereignty over the Dokdo islets. The anti-national character of the arguments for “multiethnic, multiracial society” is that it denies the race itself and entrusts the nation and race to the imperialists.

When people are calling for the entire people to unite their strength and reunify the Fatherland and raise up the majesty of the homogenous race, it’s a serious problem that there arguments to deny the race and obliterate the race have appeared in South Korea. Now is the era of independent unification to end 60 years of division between North and South and to establish the structural homogeneity of the race, and the trend of this age is “to handle things within the race” (uri minjok-ggiri). The argument for a “multiethnic, multiracial society” is a poison that weakens the basic ideology of this era and is anti-reunification logic. Anti-national arguments running counter to the direction of the people in South Korea is clearly the result of criminal schemes by pro-American groups, including the Grand National Party, and behind-the-scenes control by the United States to make the bloodlines of North and South different, block the June 15 era of reunification and make permanent the division of the Korean race.
The issue of mixed-race people being raised in South Korea is completely a product of U.S. military occupation of South Korea. How spiritless these fellows must be that not only do they not raise up the value of having the U.S. military withdraw to bring an end to this tragic reality, but instead are trying to make the problem part of society.

That arguments for a “multiethnic, multiracial society,” which make it impossible to repress ones racial shame and rage, are openly going around South Korea and there are moves to make them a reality shows how dangerous the criminal schemes of the United States to make the world unipolar are.

All sectors of the South Korean people must boldly reject the anti-national schemes of the flunkeyist traitors to toss aside our identity and racial character and even sully the bloodlines of our race and obliterate it. They must also raise up the values of putting the Korean race first and settling everything within our race and actively stand up in the patriotic struggle to protect the Korean race and bring about reunification.

(I respaced some of the paragraphs.)

Thanks, to both Antti and Marmot. You know, instead of banning North Korean publications – even from the Internet – I think the best pro-South propaganda (most of the time) would be simply letting South Koreans read what is published in the North, in the "Labor Newspaper."

Give a whole new meaning to the Auschwitz extermination camp's purposely misleading motto hung over the gates:

"Work makes one free."

At least, that's what the North has been telling its people for the last half-century. I know it's a bit of a harsh comparison and a cheap shot, but I'm gonna take it. Why doesn't the North Korean paper just come out and say it, though? Say it straight, clear, and loud: "Master race." Thaaaaat's it. Gooooood.

Anyway, here's the comment I left at The Marmot. Any of my readers care to offer feedback on my thoughts?

That would indeed be "Untermensch" as well as "raus." Anyway...

As for the translation of "race" as opposed to "people" – it depends on context and I think Robert's right on in translating that as "race." Especially when they switch back and forth between "injong" (which is used to mean "race" in South Korean and is kind of steered away from even amongst people actively talking about race specifically in relation to the "Korean race"), it's more than appropriate to translate it as such.

That's how it's meant, and too often I hear certain Korean folks trying to backpedal out of embarrassment when they darn well know how the conversation is meant. When Koreans are talking about the historical achievements of "the minjok" and the greater sweep of history in a mostly non-relative way, I buy the "people" translation of minjok. However, when talking about the threat from other "races" and peoples, and how that is linked to "pure" blood and cultural unity/superiority, it's "race," man. You can't backpedal from that and just say someone talking like that is speaking in a non-hierarchical, neutral tone.

One other thing – what are your opinions about "우수하다." Often, when I see it used, I really sense that the aspect of "superiority" overwhelms the part that may just mean "excellent" – but even if this might not be the case, can we get around the fact that a negatively comparative connotation is inherent in even a positive assessment of "excellence." In the context of this Rodong Sinmun article, I really feel like they're talking about not the "excellence" of the Korean "race" but rather the "superiority" of the Korean race.

Here's the part in question:

"In a reality where domination and colonialism threatens the faces of weaker races, to deny the the uniqueness and excellence of our homogenous race..."

Doesn't that make more sense in a conversation talking about the "weaker races" that were dominated by the implied "stronger" ones? How is this different from the racialized nationalism espoused by Hitler and the Imperial Japan?

That's straight Nazi, yo.

Scary stuff. And very interesting. More grist for the dissertation!

The Sweet Side of 빨리빠리 문화

In complaints about the downside of "The Han River Miracle," rapid development, and Korean culture in general, there are certain standard-issue arguments that most of us foreign types tend to keep within quick reach, ready to draw in a flash; one of these is that Koreans think too much in terms of "빨리빨리" (bballi bballi) – doing everything "quickly, quickly" – such that things get done slapdash and produced ramshackle.

Yes, this is a problem, and Korea has indeed bled for its sins: bridges falling, department stores collapsing, streets exploding. In the mid-1990's, the excesses of the haste and corruption of the 1980's became shockingly apparent. Has "Korea" learned very much from these embarrassments? Kinda. So I don't fear my officetel (an apartment building zoned for business use as well, such that some of my "neighbors" are small offices) falling down while I'm sleeping, Samsung makes great monitors, Kia cars go and go and go, and certain things do tend to get done here significantly and pleasantly faster than home.

So you do have some things on the positive side of the whole 빨리빨리 thing. People come over and fix things that day. Money gets transferred instantaneously. The rapid implementation of broadband and the Internet is surely a side effect of this way of thinking: in 1995, I used to impress girls by showing them email, in 1997, hooking up a modem to my Powerbook and showing them my "home page" used to elicit "ooohs" and "ahhs." What digital wonderment! When I returned to Korea in 2002, the country humbled me the the 25 megabit connections they had hooked up to their home PC's.

But I'm not going to help Korea brag about its being an "Internet superpower." There are enough silly, progress-obssessed government agencies to do that quite well. I wish to do something far simpler, extol the virtues of something far more pure – that would be the joy of Quikservice™.

What is Quikservice™? It is the wonder of having something to hand off to someone within Seoul or the very broad vicinity, and it being important enough that you would almost consider dropping what you're doing to get it to that person yourself, you are quite relieved to know that there is a courier service that will do it for you. And it's cheap. As Bernie Mac said, "Quick, faaaaaast!"

I've called in an order to Kyobo for a book I really needed to quote from – got there within the hour with something like a $5 surcharge. When I bought my iPod in Yongin – about an hour outside of Seoul – I just had to have it that day. $20 (silly, I know). When a media station needed me to offer critique on a new show, they had the tape for me within hours. My favorite Korean director – now that was a nice gig – rushed me a copy of his most recent film to give the subtitles a once-over. He needed me to see it that night so as to be able to work with him the following day. That was Quik-enabled.

Seoulites just call it "Quik". You need it send over ASAP? 퀵으로 보내. "Send it via Quik." I love it. Seoul and various companies all operate as "Quikservice" couriers, although I think that this is a brand name for a single company that has become pressed into ubiquitous service, much like Kleenex™ has become more than just a single company's branded word that has come to be synonymous with the concept of "disposable hankies."

Do you really think an NYC bike messenger would really survive this?

"Quik" consists of hordes of motorcycle men who weave in an between traffic at breakneck speeds and with test pilot precision through some improbably small spaces between people, cars, buses, and buildings. Many foreigners incorrectly stereotype Koreans in general as "bad drivers." I don't think that's true, in the large scale. Despite the fact that Korea has one of the highest traffic accident death rates in the developed world, I think this is more due to the crazy and aggressive way most Koreans tend to drive, as opposed to an essential lack of automotive skill. Given the insane stunts and Road Racer™ speeds I see and experience every day in Seoul, I'm surprised there aren't dead bodies flying across highways and littering the streets everywhere, Mad Max style.

So when you get to the matter of ajussis on motorbikes sitting near the middle of intersections, revving their engines, waiting for the light to change – you are on a whole 'nutha level. Like Korean traffic in general, in regards to Quikservice deliverymen, you either can be very, very afraid of them, or you can simply decide to respect them.

They would wax Mel Gibson's Mad Max ass.

And once you utilize their services to get your precious materials across Seoul in less than 60 minutes for sometimes less than $10, you can feel some respect that combines with the healthy fear you should have when stepping off the bus or opening a taxi door. Yes, they might zoom across your path like banshees out of the opened gates of Hell, but that's why they get their shit delivered on time. When you're on the other end of the delivery cycle, you come to appreciate and respect that.

And once you've found yourself saying "아저씨, 이 거 진짜 빨리 가야 되는데...30분안에 도착할 수 있겠죠?" ("Mister, this has to get there fast...Can it get there in under 30 minutes?"), you have truly crossed a boundary. If someone were to try to compile answers to the question "When do you know you're Korean?", asking the Quikservice deliveryman to go even faster would surely top the list.

A Blog that I Have Really Come to Like...

Pass and Cross is a blog written by a Korean woman studying ethnic literatures in an English department in the States. She often talks about Korea and Korean identity from a critical perspective, while offering an interesting point-of-view on American culture as a person with an outside eye. Is she my American doppelgänger? Well, I won't arrogate to say she's the "American version of me" or perhaps draw a false conclusion in saying "I'm the Korea-based version of her." That's almost as irritating and problematic as saying "Hyo Ri is the J-Lo of Korea." Don't even get me started.

What's more accurate to say is that we're interested in the same project, or in other words, have similar agendas in being motivated to talk about certain things. So, in the same way that one could say "both Hyo Li and J-Lo are engaged in similar attempts to leverage affected sass and shows of ass to offset their relative lack of vocal talents even as they dominate their respective commercial music markets" – I can also say that both Pass and Cross and this site are engaged in reasoned and thoughtful social commentary and criticism as different kind of outsiders in the respective societies within which we both find ourselves. Hehe. Or something like that.

Here her site announces a new research fellowship that sounds pretty cool – The Kyujanggak Fellowship. Since there aren't many real fellowship opportunities for scholars in need of support in order to conduct research in Korea, this is a welcome opportunity. Many who need such research fellowships may very likely already be in the know; since I am so out of the loop, I don't trust myself as the best source for such information. But this blogger seems much more in the mix than me.

Also, in her most recent post, she waxes poignantly about the sorrowful fact Koreans still prefer anyone white with a pulse over a fluent and academically-trained Korean for the same job. So the theoretical Mr. Kim, responsible for filling an English Lit position at theoretical Korean university, would be sitting in a small meeting to discuss candidates, would give the position to a person in possession of an MA in something most likely related to the mechanics of teaching English (which is, to be frank, simply not ideal), rather than a person with a Ph.D. actually trained in teaching...hmm...English Literature. Sad, very sad.

I see this as all due to belief in "native speaker magic" combined with a healthy dose of being in the thrall of American whiteness. Yes, there are a lot of Canadians teaching English here, but let's be real about the fact that it was around the relations of capital and anti-Communism, vis-à-vis the interests of the United States, that Korea formed a large part of its relationship with the West. Everything else seems a market-influenced substitution for a "true" Americanness, which assumes whiteness as an essential part. So for the most part, Filipinos won't do, ethnic minorities from predominantly white, English-speaking countries are also noticeably absent, and ethnic Koreans are to be avoided – even if they, too, are native speakers of English.

In a way, from the logic of 사대주의 (sadaeju'ui – "deference to the greater" is one way I hear it translated) to America, whiteness, and English – it actually makes a certain kind of sense. But that doesn't make it any less sad.

A Blurb for a Book That I'll Never, Ever Write

American identity politics is a tricky, contradiction-laden, and sometimes neurotics thing. Well, that's what happens when you navel gaze, so it's not surprising. And often, the very construction of the "identity" of "Asian American" involves a reproduction of the very assumptions and values that Asian Americans are trying to leave behind.

In the interest of satire, I've written a book description of the work that I'll never do, one that I would be loathe and embarrassed to ever sign my name to. My friend back in that States suggested that if I ever write a book, I should change my name to Michael Hurt-Song – "reclaim my mother's name" – to lay claim to my own "authenticity." Well, in my blurb, I "fancify" my name as far as I'd ever think possible if I ever did ending up publishing a book such as this.

Recycled cliché and recurring bouts of self-exotification of oneself as part of a mysterious and inscrutable "culture" are both things that permeate Asian American literature and popular understandings of identity, and are nearly sickening as found in the most extreme and egregious examples. So of course, I try to fit as much of that sort of stuff into my fantasy book blurb, which follows below.

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Soul to Seoul: One Man's Journey into His Own Morning Calm

Like a side of blackfish served on a bed of rice, the contrasts posed by such a combination may seem plain unpalatable, an unlikely union better left unmade.

This memoir tells the story of a man torn between two opposing worlds, who finds synthesis of soul in the city of Seoul. Written with the emotional sensibilities of Helie Lee's Still Life With Rice, the sensuous exoticism of both The Joy Luck Club and The Kitchen God's Wife, and laced with the boundary-breaking boldness of the erotic classic On A Bed of Rice, M.W. Hurt's first work is an inspiring yet unsettling account of Blackness adrift in a sea of Yellow.

On the course of the journey are revealed several discoveries that shatter the traditional notions of cultures separated by the dictates of blues and buttermilk, han and hanboks. Hurt struggles with trying issues: I am more than black, but less than Korean. Who am I? Who will lay claim to me? Can a brother eat kimchi and collard greens? From the Korean steppes, hills, and plains that bore his grandmother, mother and by extension him, Hurt struggles to answer these questions while trying to make sense of the Korean blood that still burns through his veins. Peppers and the redness that it imbues into Korean cuisine are the stuff of life here in the "Land of a Thousand Miracles." From it does not actually originate the color of Korean food, but surely there is something about the indomitable Korean spirit that shares the spunk and spice of its culinary mainstay. But this begs the question: what is the color of the soul?

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Eww. I think I'm going to hurl now.

촌녀 공주마마의 이야기, 혹은 "됐거든!"

The Tale of the Countryside Princess

A couple weeks ago, I was late to get to Yongin, where I have morning history classes. I decided to take a taxi, which cost me a pretty, pretty penny, and since I don't know the way completely, the ajussi promptly got lost just after we got in the vicinity of the school.

We were wending our way around downtown Yongin at just before 8 in the morning. It's kind of countryside in patches, though, with pockets of people waiting around or on their ways to various points of access to buses and shuttle vans.

At the head of a three-way intersection, there was a lone, young agassi sashaying by, dressed to the nines in ghetto fabulous, country style. Seoul is the center for nearly everything in Korea, including especially fashion, as found in trendy neighborhoods such as Apkujeong, Myeongdong, as well as just about everywhere else in this bustling, getting hipper metropolis. In the countryside, girls generally try to follow the fashion, but the interpretations of what is hip ends up a little rougher, brighter, and worn overly long than in the capital city. In a phrase, the effects are just a bit more...rough...around the edges. The sass quotient is also a bit higher, often actively involving more gum-chewing, sideways sneers, and rolling of the eyes than even in notoriously sassypants Seoul.

Now, she was something else, though. She was countryside classy, as well as classically Korean, with a round face, pale skin, and uncut eyes; she had the standard agassi "straight perm" down to her back, with hair as bouncy as a Prell commercial. I remember her dressed in some pretty bright colors, with something like a bright yellow dress, stilletto aqua pumps, something like that; the colors aren't exact, but I just know that it wasn't matching like a mofo. Her makeup was caked on Twincake™ tight, a sheer finish against which contrasted a really gaudy eyeshadow; below her colors she had applied the standard-issue, Catwoman-style, staggered-length false eyelashes that made her look like a blinking Betty Boop. I believe I remember something like a bright blue half top or shawl that was supposed to match her shoes and eyes, but sort of hindered more than helped her efforts to harmonize. She was indeed chewing gum, and walking with a sway that only J-Lo had the gene expression to back up.

On the surface, she was, as my friend Ann might have described her, "To' up!" But somehow, she was pulling it off with a confidence that only Paris fashion models at a spring opening could manage. She was simply and sexily, country fabulous. At 8 in the morning, to boot.

Which is why I winced to myself as the ajussi pulled up to the curb alongside her. She was walking in the direction opposite from us, so we were impossible to miss. We were in a cab, one marked with "Seoul" on the front right side window, as many call taxis are, and obviously lost. The driver rolled down the front passenger window. I was sitting in the back.

"Excuse me, young lady!" he yelled in a loud yet friendly way that only seems to be possible to Korean middle-aged men, "I need to ask you for directions!"

What happened next was like poetry in slow motion. I knew it was going to happen, so I decided to enjoy the show. To someone not used to the "princess consciousness" (공주의식) that inevitably permeates female identity in Korea (something I define in a more general way that the more acute "princess complex" that Koreans often talk about), you might not know what to expect. And even if you did, unless you are truly, completely desensitized to it, an extreme manifestation of the phenomenon is not something you could ever imagine to be able to enjoy. The "show" was short and sweet, lasting no more than a second-and-a-half, but it made my morning.

Translated roughly: "됐거든!"

Without breaking her pigeon-toed, primary colored, fashion pump stride, she looked to the side and over her shoulder as she passed, while making an inaudible yet somehow visible click of her tongue as she proceeded to roll her eyes, finishing off the whole sequence with a flip of her hair that we could veritably feel pass through the very marrow of our poor, pathetic male souls. She seemed to then increase the amplitude of her hip wiggle while strutting off, seeming more than a bit irritated that we dared utter words at Her Hottedness directly and without permission.

If the taxi driver had been Black and I had been back in the US, I think he would have uttered a hearty, ebonics-laced, "Daaaaamn!" while musing to himself about the silliness of having even tried something as ridiculous as he had. As it happened, the taxi driver just made a surprised sound and started chuckling to himself. I then added, "I knew that was going to happen." He knew exactly what I meant. I had been kind of short-tempered with the taxi driver before, with me being late for school again, and this time it hadn't even been my fault. Well, technically, anyway.

But that little show was so strangely funny that we had to think of it as one of those rare moments in life that you strangely remember forever, like when I flicked a playing card across a large room at my friend, and he strangely didn't move as it landed right between the fingers of his closed fist, which had been resting on his knee. There were other people in the room talking, but only he and I saw it. It was like special effects, but it had really happened, like tossing a coin and having it land on its edge on the edge of a coffee cup. It's unlikely, but it can happen. And when you see something like that, you wish you had had it on video tape and are exasperated that the moment will never be duplicated in the universe. Ever.

This had been one of those moments.

So the day had suddenly taken a turn for the better. I arrived late to school, but in a strangely cheery mood. The driver, who had made an arduous, 60-minute trip from Seoul to the countryside, also seemed to be in much better spirits than his having struggled with directions and my constant fretting from the back seat would have seemed to make possible.

All thanks to a sassy girl from the countryside who had literally blown our hair back with her bitchy, hip-switching, heel-clicking superpowers. If the X-Men were real, she wouldn't need a costume or special equipment. Just an endless supply of Twincake™ compacts, a short skirt, and a stocked shoe closet, and she'd be ready to drop in the middle of the most scorched-earth, supervillian-laden, final Battle of Doom. With a laser-sharp, sidelong look, a single hair flip, eyeroll, and hip-switch, she'd have bodies flying away and falling before her in all directions. If she were to add a sly sneer to top it all off, the effect would probably be nuclear. This girl was, quite literally, the bomb.

You gets respect – a strange, mad respect, country princess!

So maybe, dear readers, if you are lucky enough to wander the area around downtown Yongin on a busy weekday morning, you might see Her, chewing gum and switching narrow hips like all getout. If you do, make sure to stop and ask her for directions. But hold your breath, batten down your pride, and secure any loose objects, because this perky princess plays for keeps.

The Vapidity of Stupidity

Ah, prudence does have its payoffs.

I had prepared a post on the "Canadian discrimination" story about the ad that had been floating around the Korean Internet, but held off because it just didn't seem to feel quite right.

For those of you not in the loop and who are hearing about this for the first time, here's the post that never saw the light of day, but which led to the coining of a cool new turn of phrase, which goes a lot towards the reason I like to blog in the first place – keeping my high-level English in kind some semblance of decent shape. Read about the "incident" in the next section.

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PRUDENTLY UNPUBLISHED POST
I'm a little slow on the draw, since this was posted on Kwangdongbrian's site several days ago. Still, I thought it funny enough to post again. It didn't appear to be posted on April Fool's Day (but on March 29th on his site), so I am assuming it's real. If it ain't, I guess it's no fun.

I would check the original article itself, but it's archived and I'd have to pay to see it at the Korea Herald. And we all knows that I ain't gonna pay no cold, hard cash to read anything there. Have they not figured out that people aren't paying for archived news access? With the exception of veritable historical institutions such as The New York Times, which has archives going back to the mothafrickin' 19th century, I might. But I still haven't anted up for access to the venerableTimes, so I probably won't for the – ahem – slightly lower quality of journalism practiced at the Herald. Anyway, they do the job adequately. Just stop charging for stuff more than a week old, please!

Canadians banned from group for cultural understanding

    An organization that promotes cultural understanding and brings together people from different nations is open for anyone in Seoul to join. Anyone that is, except Canadians.

    In a classified ad in KScene, a free biweekly magazine, World Class describes itself as a group that "brings together all nationalities to discuss world issues and break down cultural barriers and prejudices."

    Breaking down the prejudices, however, doesn't extend to all countries. "No Canadians please," the ad continues. When contacted by a Korea Herald reporter by e-mail, the organizer of the group, Bernard Carleton, elaborated further, "The thing is, CANADIANS ARE SCUM! They are self-loving, welfare supporting, over taxing, work ethic hating scum!!! They are not welcome in our group."

    Anyone who would like to join the meetings with Carleton in order to break down prejudices, dissolve stereotypes and have an enhanced understanding of people from other countries can contact him at [email protected].

    World Class is an organization in Seoul that brings together all nationalities to discuss world issues and break down cultural barriers and prejudices. We meet once a week. No Canadians please. Contact [email protected].

I love it! They're not just being exclusive – they're a group promoting cultural understanding, but excluding an entire national group! Don't you just love that logic? I think I'll start a group myself: "We want to promote understanding amongst the races in America, except for any kikes or niggers. Thank you for your understanding." The founder didn't just exclude Canadians, but rather rattled off a list of the stereotypes that undergird the very "cultural barriers and prejudices" that the group is trying to eradicate.

Ain't the Internet just chock full o' nuts? I still have trouble believing this is real. Are there really people this stupid out there? Wow – it makes me think. Hannah Arendt once talked of the "banality of evil" to describe how evil isn't necessarily a raging, horrifying terror perpetrated by freakish Faustian figures wearing black cloaks and wielding fiery swords, but is, in the modern world, so everyday, so disturbingly normal, that it is perpetrated by you, me, and the official who just has to sign on the dotted line and look the other way. OK, I am waxing a bit serious here, but I think you'll see my point.

Seeing displays of such embarrassing idiocy as displayed by this Bernard Carleton – and yes, I am using his name, because he has chosen to be a public figure and conduct affairs in the public eye – is a testament to the fact that anything is truly possible. That's why we have tabloids – truth is indeed stranger than fiction – people just can't make this shit up. Perhaps we now are able to talk about the "vapidity of stupidity." Maybe that's what makes reading the daily papers so 한심해. You just wanna sigh, roll your eyes, and tune out, because really – people such as this are simply pathetic.

And if "Bernard Carleton" is just a joke, which I tend to think he is, at least I had the chance to exercise the old neurons and make a cool new catchphrase. Hey – I like it. And it's a good way to spend 15 minutes of down time in the office.

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BACKSTORY
But not the story's backstory has become a lot more clear. Carthartidae did the research and sent up the post that answered a lot of questions. Apparently, the story made it all the way to the Jay Leno Show, which I didn't watch, but was intrigued to hear about.

Funny stuff, all around.

And a good lesson in the important of journalists learning to check their sources and/or doubting the validity of a single source as found in an anonymous email address.

And Now for Something Completely Lighter...

Whew!

Many points taken.

You ever wake up the day after something and feel sheepish? Yeeeeeah.

I think that this issue, for better or worse, is done. There's really nowhere else to go with it, no matter where you stand in this whole morass of things that has snowballed out of hand and past the point of really discussing anything.

Time to move on, time for me to keep things wrapped tighter in the future, and time to move on to some new subjects for awhile. It's a new day, the sun's been shining, and I just got a new video from a good friend who always gets the inside scoop on funny stuff being passed around email work servers.

It's totally random, it's funny, and kinda in the spirit of burying hatchets and taking things to a slightly lighter level.

If this clip don't make you feel lighter on your feet, I don't know what will.

Thanks, Jeffrey, for this video at just the right time.

Reality Check

Real quick:

WHAT WAS SAID
1) I stand by my posts (1, 2) that a) did not call Koreans "Nazis" but b) mere pointed out interesting points at which there seems to be uncomfortable overlap between Nazi ideology and aspects of modern Korean nationalist ideology, with the possibility of 2 major points of direct contact, one being the active study of said ideology by a major contributor to the construction of the Korean nation itself (which I in the original article, I acknowledged was through a secondary source and would be interesting for someone to look further into), and the other being the more diffuse route of nihonjinron (a form of Japanese ethnic nationalism/ideology) that most definitely has myriad links to what some newer scholars are calling hangukinron, what you could call Korea's own form of ethnic nationalism.

Then I added in the peculiar fact that there doesn't seem to be much negative reaction to all kinds of real Hitler and Nazi iconography as found in the wave of Nazi theme bars and other "funny" Nazi-era icons. Does this make Koreans Nazis? Of course not. I already admitted that I thought the national anthem thing was a stretch, especially after some good comments pointing that out.

There's also the interesting streak of rabid anti-Semitism that does exist in both Japan and Korea, which some people in Japanese Studies (see Michael Goodman) has already published about. I guess he's crazy for suggesting links between Germany and Japan as well.

Did I say that Koreans were actually Nazis, ready to engage in pogroms and another "final solution?" Come on. Can we get some intelligent responses here?

But why is it a sin to broach the topic when there are quite possibly some interesting links with Nazi Germany's ideology, some of them direct and indirect, some obviously stronger than others?

Who is being intellectually close-minded here?

As always, Occi and his boosters are totally misrepresenting what was said.

YOU GOT ME! I AM A MADMAN!
2) As for the single, short paragraph that seems to now be the rallying call for calling me a start, raving madman – I guess I'll never live down having written a paragraph in my post rashly, in anger, and as part of my volley against Occidentalism.org. Sure, his site has a lot of interesting stuff on it and parts are well-researched – but I still believe the tone, intent, and focus are racist and misogynist.

At least I can recognize when I have made a mistake or misspoke. But that must make me crazy, right? Occidentalism's people seem to take it as a sign of weakness, backtracking, or doubletalk. Well, I knew that this would happen, so I can't be too surprised. But it still hurts to roll over and concede on something, knowing full well that you're going to continue to be attacked and kicked even as you do it. And I also regret that it detracted from my greater argument that had nothing to do with the single paragraph in question, something I acknowledged.

What remains clear is that Occidentalism is above reproach and has nothing worth criticizing. Such an attitude is exactly the kind of arrogant tone that typifies its insensitivity, negativity, and one-directional "social critique."

WHY ASK WHY?
3) Why focus on this site? If this site is the vanguard site of so-called "intelligent" criticism of Korea, with people defending it as something constructive and a benefit to Korean society, I find this quite sad. And as the inspiration for my own site is that of conducting real, intelligent, and sometimes academically-grounded critique, I am pretty disheartened to find my efforts described as just the empty words of a pseudo-academic windbag with nothing to say worth listening to. I know I have my readers out there, but it sounds like what the majority of expat bloggers really want is the kind of "intelligent debate" that deals in categoricals, lashes out, and merely paints Korea in the colors of the knee-jerk frustration that many of us expats have with some of the obviously rougher points of Korean society and culture.

If that's all that you're looking for, that's all that you'll see.

It's just sad that Occidentalism is what the majority of foreign expats want to define the mode of social critique amongst foreigners in Korea.

Well, maybe that's all we/they deserve, then.