I think it's clear I need a break from writing.
Blogging should be its own reward, or at least garner some satisfaction. Lately, it's become nothing more than a chore. Even when it's pleasant to write and publish my opinion, attacks seem to come, no matter what I say. I know that it's the nature of the Internet and that the voices of negativity always drown out the voices of silent assent or support, but regardless – blogging just doesn't have much in the way of any emotional reward anymore.
People say that my skin should be thicker – and it is – but a person can only subject themselves to so much before throwing their hands up and saying, "Maybe it's time to really concentrate on that dissertation!"
Or something like that.
I don't know – I surprised even myself yesterday. Maybe I should have hit the edit key, but I did realize one thing – no matter how many "good" posts I write or how detailed the arguments, certain people are simply going to dismiss me and my thoughts for being who I am and saying what I say. Maybe I should "fight the good fight" or whatever, but for the sake of my blood pressure, maybe it's time to call it a wrap. No matter what I do, what I know, or what I say, I'm still an outsider who's commentary is best kept to, "My, kim chee is so spicy and I do love those colorful hanboks so!"
It's not all the fault of one commenter, but obviously the result of a buildup of frustration that one person just stepped into. And yes, Keaton didn't quite deserve that response. Still, it is frustrating to no end that even the most seemingly informed and educated Korean netizens still basically dismiss all the many things I've written on this site, even given all the complex emotions that go behind the hard work that went along with the complex and difficult issues I've tried to address, or the fact that I've actually "defended" this country and culture from people I perceived as true haters of Korea, or the fact that I've never hesitated to use that same critical acumen on my own culture.
I know it may sound like sour grapes, but it all just adds up to not being very satisfying anymore. I could present a detailed thesis with a thousand citations, and for certain people, it just adds up to, "Can't you just say something nice about Korea?"
I don't even want to address that question anymore, but that's where any conversation eventually leads. I'd love a critique of my sources, or logic, or my assumptions. And I get those occasionally. I'd love to publish more academic writings as I complete chapters for the diss, getting interesting and often useful feedback from people who either know more about a subject than I do, or have a different perspective.
Maybe foreign commentary about Korea is better left to the vast majority of blogs out there that deal with Korean news, North Korea and security, or the many personal blogs out there. There's really not much room or desire for a blog like mine.
But, as many people have pointed out – this is the Internet, where everything is kept not far from the range of the lowest common denominator. If I publish a picture with women, I'm a "pervert." If I criticize the US, I'm a "traitor." If I say something critical about Korea, it's "You're a foreigner – how dare you?"
휴. In any case, it's time to pack it up for a while.
This doesn't mean the site going to get erased. Everything will stay up. I might just concentrate on making more podcasts instead of writing (no one seems to notice that my podcasts are all quite "nice" to Korea), so you might see a podcast announcement when they go up, at the very least. And since it's unfinished business, when I complete chapter 3 of the photo book (chapters 1, 2, and 4 are done), I'll put that up, since I don't like to leave a job undone.
But as for the writing and the social criticism – all attacks and little support makes Mike an irritable boy. And I don't like being irritable.
I apologize to all my faithful readers for my kvetching, as well as to anyone I have offended with inappropriate words.
Peace out!
