From Wikipedia:
"Gallows humor is humor that makes light of death or other serious matters. It is similar to black comedy but differs in that it is made by the person affected." (Italics mine.)
I am, apparently, a reprehensible human being, insensitive and cruel, getting my jollies by hoping that South Koreans die screaming in a nuclear fireball. I apparently am relishing the day, so I can come out of my bomb shelter and run through the streets, jumping for joy at watching it all "burn, baby, burn!" Yeeeeahhhhhh!
Or...
The people reading that meaning are idiots. Well, I'll temper that a little. For people like Kihyon, I'll let off the hook a bit, because I know one of the biggest cultural differences between Koreans and Americans – in my experience, for you flamers just waiting to accuse me of delving into "cultural essentialism" – has been extreme cynicism, biting sarcasm, and "gallows humor."
What is "gallows humor?" Well, it's when you're in a line of men about to be hanged and just before it's your turn, you say to the guy next to you, "Well, at least we don't have to worry about taxes." In that moment, it's very, very funny, especially if you have nothing more to look forward to than being hanged.
You could dwell on all the things you wanted to do, the girls you wanted to bed, or the places you now know you'll never, ever see. Or you could think about the fact that you'll never have to get a colonoscopy again.
My friends have all been asking me today – remember, I assume my friends actually care if I live or die – if I am planning to use 3000 SPF for the nuclear flash, or if I'm still alive...and when asked what I'm doing, I saw, "trying not to die in a nuclear flash." We all laugh.
But if I actually died, would my friends be like, "Hahahahahahaha," alllll the way home? No. And they don't even live here. They're not in the gallows, but still sympathizing with me. Am I going to yell, "You insensitive pricks! You laugh at the prospect of my death?!" Of course they're not wishing death upon me.
Any fellow American – Cobra? –who would interpret this as such is an oversensitive, whiny girl.
Still, I've noticed that this type of humor isn't very familiar to a lot of Korean folks, right down to the point of it being uncomfortable. Let me just say that when I watched Pulp Fiction here in Korea in 1994 – in the real age-before-sarcasm – people thought I was a madman for laughing – and wincing – and laughing again – my brown little ass off, actually, throughout the scene when Samuel L. Jackson was asking Brett "if they spoke English in 'What'!?!?" and whether "Marsellus Wallace looks like a bitch" before quoting the fictional "Ezekiel 25:17" verse and then riddling him with bullets.
And there are some Americans who still don't like that kind of stuff, nor Quentin's movies.
Hey – to each, their own. But most Americans – young people, at least – did. It's a very American comedy style, and very hard for Koreans to "get" in total. I still think so today, since I have studied the subtitles and seen Korean reactions to that movie many, many times.
And when the Kill Bills came here, the group of Americans I was with were getting mean stares because we were all laughing our asses off at some of the cultural references. "Revenge is a dish best served cold – Old Klingon proverb" leads off the first movie, or consider that amazing scene when Lucy Liu pads down the table and hacks off the mouthy yakuza boss's head with her katana blade, followed by an orgasmic and purposely overdone geyser of arterial blood that shoots straight up into the air.
Totally unrealistic, ridiculous, yet fucking cool – so we were all guffawing in a mixture of glee and shock as she delivered her next lines with a totally situationally inappropriate yet totaly awesome, deadpan delivery:
"I collect your fuckin' head!"
Brilliant.
We were laughing like giddy schoolgirls who had just seen Justin Timberlake pick his nose and eat it when he thought nobody was looking. But the Korean theater wasn't laughing, and we were the assholes. So sue us – we were Americans watching an American movie. We thought it was funny – we laughed. We were glared at and people were snorting and tsk-tsking at us.
Same thing, but worse, when we saw that abomination of a movie, Blade 3. But there was one saving grace to that movie, which was Ryan Reynolds' performance when he was being tortured by the badguy vampires. Me and two other friends were laughing so uncontrallably that I nearly threw up. I couldn't breathe. It was such a surprising, random comedic performance in a movie that otherwise took itself so ridiculously seriously that we didn't know what to do with ourselves.
We couldn't stop, because it was so hilarious. And I didn't have to time to look at the translations – I was just trying to catch my breath. I thought they were gonna throw us out. I think the Korean patrons were tittering, though, because they were really curious as to why we were laughing. But what can you say to the way Reynolds delivers that line:
"I...I...can tell you two things. One...your hairdo...is...ridiculous..."
How can you explain that? That shit is funny. The Korean translation surely is going to be right – that's not hard to get across – but it's about inflection, being cheeky, and the ultimate example of "gallows humor," but with a defiant bite. In a movie with actors speaking in gravelly, foreboding monotones and growling while fighting each other with swords – it was just hilarious.
Now, that being said – do I think the present Korean situation is "hilarious?" No. But my way of kvetching while complaining, while being pretty obviously alarmed, is my way of coping. And "Cobra" – if you weren't so self-centered and caught up in your own definition of the "appropriate" way to react to probably the highest likelihood of war on the peninsula in decades, you'd have read what I said, and felt what I was saying. There is fear and anger in my words, as well as being resolved to being here.
Just like all the rest of the Korean people on the peninsula, with whom my fate lies. I've got a right to my "gallows humor" because I am right here, sitting pretty, if some shit jumps off. It's not "gallows humor" if you're not about to be hanged, too. Then, you're just an asshole making fun of others' misery.
But what, praytell, makes some people think I am, indeed, doing just that – making fun of "others," as a person not part of the group? Ain't I flammable? Combustible? My skin ready to melt off my bones in a nuclear firestorm? Ain't I a man a brother?
Before I even get into that, I'll just say to you, Kihyon, that I'll leave you off the hook to some extent for not "getting" my sarcastic mode, but not for the "go home, foreigner" remarks.
I'm here. I'll die in the same nuclear flash as any other Korean would. I have friends, loved ones, and a life here. I have stuff I'm in the middle of doing, people who depend on me, people I depend upon. Just like any other Joe here making their way through life. Just because I'm a foreigner doesn't mean I am instantly detachable from this place, ready to jump on a plane the moment things get hot. You know, any Korean or YOU yourself could jump on a plane and go to sunny Micronesia, home of the "bikini"?
Oops. There's that gallows humor, again. Damn me!
Why don't you go? For the same reasons I don't.
And that is in the end what makes you – in combination with your previous statements on my site – the racist I originally identified you as. And as much as I talked about cultural differences here, I'm sure there are many other Koreans – I'm 100% sure – engaged in "gallows humor" as well, because what other choice do we have? We live here, and our fates are all tied together.
The only difference is that you assume that I inherently have no affective, material, nor spiritual connection to this place because I am a "foreign body."
But I live here, pay taxes, take the bus, spend money in restaurants, take care of my phone bill every month. What the fuck makes you think I don't have the right to be angry, frightened, or afraid at the prospect of being in a North Korean counterattack? Because I am a "foreigner"?! You think I can just "get on a plane" any time I want, leave it all behind, go start my life without skipping a beat?
Well, yeah, you apparently do.
But just like you, if I had to move, I'd have to pack my shit, sell my furniture, pay my final rent, wait the 3 months allowed landlords to return my $10,000 security deposit, have separate goodbye parties with my former high school students, fellow co-workers, and meet a million personal friends for the last time. I'd have to get rid of my car, cut off my cellphone service, cancel my Internet, notify the gas company to close my account, arrange to have my mail forwarded to my new address, and lastly, arrange to have a job somewhere –
Oh, wait – you probably never thought about this and being a responsible member of society (yes, even foreigners can perform that difficult trick) – because you probably lived with your parents until you got married, at which point your wife became your mother.
Wait – am I making a mean, nasty, stereotypical assumption? Well, I'm just returning the favor.
My point is simple – I, as a single, independent man, despite the fact that I don't have Korean genes, am no more able to "just hop on a plane" than you are. You have a job, a wife, people you love, people who love you. So what's the difference between you and me, besides the fact that I am fat and brown?
If you don't like me or my way of coping with this situation, you should just call me an "asshole" and leave it at that. But you gotta bring up the foreigner thing – of course, that's what comes out, in the end. And Cobra, you wouldn't be saying shit if I weren't a foreigner, either.
I live here. I got a right to say somefin'. If I were sipping on a Pepsi in Kansas, talking out of my ass and snorting about how "South Koreans are finally gonna get what they deserve," then you'd be more right about me being an insensitive prick.
But the flaw in both of your arguments is that I am here; I'm not getting on a plane. And the fact that I'm not going anywhere should be more of a sign that I've got a right to say whatever I want to say without being castigated for not doing exactly what you both know you'd both curse at me for if I did – which is, leave. Because if I did, you know, leave, you know you'd be like, "Fucking asshole. Just dropped and ran."
We're all in the same boat. If you want to both cry like babies and act like we're at a state funeral, fine. But like most Korean folks, actually, I've got a life and shit to do. And Kihyon, by the same logic that makes me apparently ready to hop the next thing smoking off the peninsula, your being Korean prevents you from international travel? Or would your reasons for not being able to leave sound similar to mine?
What a fucking asshole.
(Notice that I didn't say "What a fucking Korean asshole." There's a big difference, you know.)
I'm through playing around and being polite to people who aren't. You wanna get nasty? I can give as good as I get. You wanna discuss and be nice? I will, too.
Whooooo wheee! It's about to get ethnic up in here.
