A commenter posed a good question today, one that actually speaks directly to what it is that I think I'm trying to do as a foreign researcher/writer living in this country.
I know this has been said many times over, but I dont mean the following as an attack in any way. If I was in a foreign country and I had as many problems with it as many of you do with Korea, I would leave and find a place that was more to my satisfaction... We are never gonna change Koreans, if they dont want to change... and I dont necessarily feel that as guests we should try to impose our standards on them, no matter how much we feel our causes are just.
And I don't mean this spotlighting of the comment as an attack, either. I actually think it's an honest question, one that I ask myself all the time.
Actually, I am quite happy here. I just do this kind of criticism wherever I am. Injustice is injustice (of course appropriate thinking should be applied). But I don't think I am trying to impose anything on Koreans at all. In fact, if this country and the vast majority of its people hadn't made (and continue to make) the assertion that they want to be a "global" society and want to join the ranks of great nations in being a country about democracy and morality, I wouldn't even be saying nothing.
If this were Korea in the 1960's under Pak Chung Hee, with no freedom and no end of that reign in sight, I'd just be like, "Oh, well. Whatchagonnado?"
But my protestations come from an inherent love of this place, as much as I get pissed and curse and want to pull my hair out sometimes. But you're right, the easiest thing to do would be to just become cynical, give up, and try to make as much cash as possible before getting the hell out of here.
For the sake of the country and this society, I hope that the people who are trying to look under the surface and look injustice in the face aren't driven out by the people who actually believe that intolerance and ignorance are actually ok, who want to keep out new ideas, who have vested interests in stopping change from happening where it's obviously needed.
When I criticize the education system, it's because most Koreans recognize the ship is sinking. When I criticize racism, it's because most Koreans acknowledge that such beliefs are wrong at a base level. When I talk about sexism or prostitution, it's because even most men would agree, in theory, that these are "social problems" even if you'd have trouble agreeing on a lot of other aspects of the problem.
The point is that most people agree in theory with the ideals of democracy, fairness, and the freedom to not be deprived of certain basic rights.
It's because I share the values held by the majority of South Koreans that I continue to struggle to make my points here. If this were some far-flung country with values jarringly different from my own – if I couldn't even get people to recognize women as human beings, for example – we're talking about a different set of questions, aren't we?
I think Korea is struggling with the same questions that many other like-minded, nominally free, democratic societies are – so it makes sense to function in an intellectually activist way. If I didn't believe this to be the case, you're right – I'd just be here trying to stack some dollars and sow my oats as deeply as possible while preparing to get the hell out of dodge.
It may sound arrogant – and perhaps it is – but I think that Korea is lucky to have people like me, who stand up for principles as much as possible, as opposed to simply act according to naked self-interest, like the foreigners Korea thinks it sees. You don't even know the opportunities I've passed up, or the money I could have made, if I didn't stick to those principles.
I could have kept my mouth shut a million times, held my nose, and be still making oodles of money – about a good 7-8 million won a month now – were I one of the people Koreans think all foreigners to be. If I were the person many Koreans seem to think they want me to be (keep your mouth shut and just do as you're told), I would have have a much fatter wallet and all the conveniences that come with that.
But as is my eternal weakness – at least in the eyes of people who care about me and would like me to have a stabler job and be more "settled" at my rising old age – I am constantly in search of something, constantly thinking that my role in the big scheme of things will make itself apparent.
As I look squarely in the face of 35 years now, I am beginning to feel the struggle wear at me and the temptation to just say "fuck it" and take the safer route, the one with the bigger per-hour rate while I am here and the best option to get me back to the States and PAID.
But I haven't as of yet, as I think this would mark a whole lot of ethical retreats and defeats for me.
You're right – you brought up a good point, one that I struggle with daily. Why fight the good fight? Why not just call it a day, leaving the people who've been telling me to "get the fuck out!" to themselves, and just "getting mine?"
Sometimes, I think that day is upon me. Most days, I am able to think of a good reason to keep going.
This blog is essentially a record of that internal struggle, my effort to keep a concrete reason as to why I should just give up, say "fuck this place", and go collect some duckets without moral compunction.
The day this blog gets scrapped amongst my priorities will mark that day as having come for me. I hope that day never comes.
For me, this blog gives me the concrete strength – through feedback from like-minded people – to keep me honest to my own ideals, to work out the inherent tug between reality and morality, to essentially keep on truckin'.
All my writings, photographs, and podcasting should be evidence of that. To me, it's clear as day. But of course, it would be. I hope to grow better able to make it clear to you as well.
