Scribblings of the Metropolitician

Harisu in Love

According to PopSeoul, Korea's transgendered superstar Harisu and babyfaced hubby, Micky Jung, are still in love, as displayed when our camera caught them at Hwang Jae-bok's show during F/W 2008 Seoul Fashion Week. We were there, and got our own pics of the the still-happy couple, although ours were properly exposed. This is the second time we've met Harisu in person, and I must say that we do like her demure and classy style.

For more coverage of Korean Fashion week, and more star shots, take a stroll over to FeetManSeoul.com and look around. With a lot to shoot and the challenge that poses to me photographically, I'm producing some of my strongest work yet, and having a blast while doing it.

Next - The Korean FASHION Wave?

As many of you already know, I've been thinking about and doing a lot of stuff related to Korean fashion, since my interests in photography and the street have led me in that direction. Still, I don't think this interest is a function of just my personal whim and whimsy amplified large by the web; I do actually think there's something big cooking here, something bigger than my personal interests.

I was actually not explicitly interested in fashion per se, until I started observing certain patterns that made me sit up and take notice. In short, my observations of the shape of things heading in a certain direction is what started dragging me down that road, as opposed to any particular predisposition to already be headed in that direction. Hence, the faith in my hunch is all the stronger, as it was when I was watching Korean films in 1996-98 and thinking that some of it was some of the best stuff I had ever seen, as opposed to my already-present interest in Korean culture being responsible for that notion.

The last time I had such a hunch, it ended up being a "wave." This time around, that feeling is even stronger, because of the precedent of the so-called "Korean wave." And I think that line of thinking will be similar for many others as who see that parallel as well.

And like the "Korean wave", it will not be government support nor the Korean public's desire for it to be a "wave" that will make it so, but rather the inherent quality of the thing itself. What made the "Korean wave" crest and crash was a convergence of factors that no one planned for, that no one really predicted.

In the same way, the fabulousness of Korean fashion -- in terms of how the Korean public is interpreting, transmitting, and actually defining it with their own bodies -- cannot be created or controlled by central government planning, the desires of the fashion industry, or even the dictates of commercialism. Those factors can help quicken any "fashion wave" into reality, but everything begins and ends with what everyday Koreans are wearing on the streets.

In the same way that the Korean public had to be ready, to some extent, to receive films as diverse as Shiri, Old Boy, The King and the Clown, and The Host, the streets and other social factors define the sandbox within which domestic Korean designers and the fashion industry get to play with. What Korean people are wearing and not wearing define the range of options available; like a film such as Old Boy having been released in 1975, wild couture styles from the present having been introduced to a top-down, Korean star-centric, pre-Internet Korean public in 1990 would not have had much influence. Things have changed a great deal.

One of the things that I noticed when I got off the plane in South Korea in 1994 was that Koreans are formal. Yes, skirts were far shorter than I was used to back in the United States, and it was strange to see that even office uniforms were and are, technically, miniskirts by more conservative American standards (the traditional definition of the miniskirt since the 1960's was being able to place your four fingers between your knee and hemline).

What really surprised me was that Koreans, for some reason, seemed to think (and still tend to now) that Americans are more wild or risque dressers. I also quickly came to realize that many Koreans also thought that Americans all carried guns, black people are all good singers, or that we can't eat spicy food (despite the fact that more salsa is sold per year in America than ketchup, and all the world's peppers actually originated in the Americas).

Yet, this is because American reality is defined, for most Koreans, by movies and television shows. Still, this is only part of the answer. In Korea, trends and the realm of fashion possibility itself is defined by television and movie stars, whereas the same is not true for Americans, as a rule.

Americans are essentially a casual people. We don't dress up unless we have to and we tend to value comfort first -- we are the land of bad men's jeans, sweatshirts and tees, and "casual Friday" at the office. Outside of our pop culture epicenters in Hollywood and New York, people wear suits to weddings, funerals, and graduations; the same tends to go with high heels and makeup for women, many of whom might wear such things only a handful of times per year outside of formal office attire. Still, tends to be worn when it's a requirement. Most people are comfortable to follow trends to the extent that they are casual or comfortable -- hence the prevalence of hip hop fashion and other similar modes of cool. Personally, I think that if the "grunge" or "hip hop" looks involved uncomfortable shoes or tight-fitting clothes, neither would have ever made it. The same goes for the horrible biker shorts craze, heavy metal t-shirts, or jelly shoes. Those fads were as comfortable as they were aesthetically criminal.

Koreans, however, are essentially a formal people. Until very recently, suits or other formal wear were requirements for men, as were dresses, heels, and makeup for women. As any Korean knows, a man walking the streets in the 1990's in shorts and sandals would be stared at, or a woman without makeup in an office situation thought of as rude or lazy. The tendency in Korea is for there to be no limit to the amount of effort one should put into one's appearance, hence the "pancake makeup" look of the 1990's, men wearing a 3-piece suits and ties on the hottest days of summer, and even the widespread graduation gift of eye-and-nose surgery for high school girls (and now boys, too!) about to enter college. Plastic surgery rates are among the highest in the world, in a country whose per capita income still doesn't match many more developed countries that have more people with the disposable income to afford such procedures. Indeed, such competition is natural in a culture that still requires pictures on one's resumes. In a competitive environment, who can afford to not look their best, even to the point of surgically altering one's appearance? It goes without saying that one would spare no amount of effort or expense to be as dressed up as possible.

So, I came to realize that Koreans actually tend to have the expectation (or at least experience the pressure) to actually look like the people they see on TV. Any trip down below the river to Apjujeong or Kangnam should confirm that; it seems like there are more plastic surgery clinics than fast food restaurants. Indeed, if one has the money, why not get something nipped, tucked, cut, or clipped? It is certainly just as easy as buying a hamburger, as long as that's what you want.

This is the "ratcheting effect" that characterizes Korean-style competition. Out of ten people, if one person has something better, the other nine want it as well, which brings up the overall level of competition; and once you reach that level, like a one-directional ratchet wheel, one can never go in the opposite direction. I see that as responsible for the intense competition in private education: if my neighbor's kid goes to 3 hagwons, my kid will go to 5, which will make the next person send their kid to 7, which...

The cycle is endless. I think the same is true for fashion, especially for women -- if something can be done to be "prettier" -- then it must be done. Of course, 10cm high heels makes any woman look "prettier," but the question is really of how far one is willing to go in order to look pretty; in the end, it comes down to the question of how high a priority appearance is. And for many American women, such sacrifice for the sake of fashion is too high a price to pay for most situations. Hence, most Korean women wear high heels most of the time, and most American women do not wear heels most of the time. Even when required for work, many women wear running shoes during the commute.

Clearly, the formality factor is a crucial one. Historically, the yangban has come to define Korean culture, since it seems like 99% of Koreans claim that elite lineage, even though, in history, they made up only 10% of the population. But when Koreans imagine back into the past, few people see themselves as descended from white-clad cheonmin, but from fashion and status-obsessed yangban nobles, sitting around in their finest robes and playing the kayageum, instead of sweatily dancing in dirty white clothing while beating a buk on a farm. Such is the formal way in which most Koreans even imagine their past reality.

So status is something Koreans think about a lot, whereas this is what Americans inherently do not think much about, in a culture that literally invented the notion of egalitarianism. Korea has a different history, with a culture steeped in Confucianism, which defines the individual only in relation to others. So even now, ethical behavior and normalcy is defined by the group, which strictly regulates its members; and when it comes to clothing, trends, and style, standing out too much can get you in trouble -- or at least stared at and gossiped about.

What does this all add up to? Up until around just a few years ago, Koreans tended to conform to trends and were generally followers. Domestic stars, television, and the fashion industry tended to define what was to be worn and what wasn't -- hence, everyone wore a lot of black-and-white, everyone had the same makeup scheme, and haircuts were practically uniform. But then something significant happen, something central to the life of any fashionista worth her salt in Korea -- the Internet.

Suddenly, fashion information was bypassing the filter of the domestic cultural elites, and Koreans (especially women) began to track fashion trends directly. Anyone who subscribes to the "Best Dresser" Daum cafe knows this, which has millions of members, who collective collect, analyze, and digest American and European fashion magazines, paparazzi shots of mostly American stars, and all sorts of other bits of information.

Indeed, where did the recent nose and belly piercing trends come from? Or even the previously unspeakable idea of getting tattoos? Surely, the domestic fashion press would have never pushed such ideas on the public -- they got these ideas directly. In a recent interview with a Seoul tattoo artist, for example, the recent acceptability of tattooing can be traced to David Beckham's back and Nicole Ritchie's ankle. I doubt any of the domestic Korean press would be recommending young Koeran girls to get tattoos, which are still technically illegal in Korea, although actually easy to get.

Yet, Korean culture does seem to place certain limits on what people wear. These are not limits set by comfort, but rather by a certain kind of social conservatism that still exists here. Yes, there are many more fashion and style options in Korea now, and dress styles have become far more expressive and experimental, but the Confucian-style monitoring of others keeps things from getting too wild.

For example, despite the fact that most Korean women still don't dare to bare their shoulders, skirts can travel the way up to pretty extreme heights. Many Americans would find it pretty scandalous to go to a wedding in a super-short miniskirt, or wear the same to a university lecture; Koreans have simply gotten used to it. As I mentioned, even many bank uniforms are technically miniskirts by American standards, and heels over 5-6 inches are considered a bit too sexy for anything other than going to a club or a cocktail party.

However, if one wear a spaghetti-strap blouse revealing the shoulders, or a sweater in which one can see cleavage, Koreans generally consider that too risque. Or exceedingly bright colors, or unusual patterns, or tattoos, or belly-rings. Young kids do challenge the norms, but the norms still exist.

The combination of "at all costs" formality that keeps people dressed "to the nines" tempered by a Confucian social conservatism that tends to keep things a bit on the conservative side, which is then pushed and stretched by new norms and styles that are now being directly connected to via the Internet, results in a Korean street that is very pret-a-porte, or "ready-to-wear."

But contrast, Japanese fashion is quite peculiar and unique, but perhaps too much so. To continue the analogy, much of Japanese fashion on the street seems more couture, in that it is a bit wild, peculiar, and often just not very generalizable anywhere outside of Japan.

The average Korean working girl in Myeongdong, or the hipster in Apkujeong, or the student in Shinchon, would be considered well-dressed by almost any standard. From where I sit, Korea is where mostly American and European styles get filtered through a Korean lens into something altogether different than the original. Add in a dollop of Japanese influences, and you get a lot of palatable options.

And when Koreans meet a high-fashion trend, it gets expressed on the street, much more than it does in many other more comfort/casual countries such as the US. So, while there was a rising interest in shoes in the USA with Carrie's character from Sex and the City, it was nothing compared to the shoe trends here, where people are very concerned with brand names and wearing something that looks like what they've seen on TV. After all, most Korean women actually wear high heels every day, whereas most Americans don't. Who's going to actually buy more shoes?

Now, as the overall fashion-consciousness of the Korean people meets international trends, Korea is becoming a fashion hotspot to watch. And now, even The New York Times found itself way behind existing Korean trends recently, when it declared that there was a "return" to conservative fashion as a new trend in the US, whereas in Korea, this look had never left. Quoting ourselves from a recent column we wrote for the English-language SEOUL Magazine,

One look that has always been uniquely Korean is marked by more conservative hemlines and less revealing cuts, as well as a generous helping of bows and ruffles, which themselves are often accented with flowery and other feminine patterns: what this writer calls the “pretty princess” look. This has been expressed in 50's-era formal dresses, matched outfits, or formal suits common on Korean streets, often accompanied by thick opaque stockings, shiny pumps and matching bag, and a dress coat. These days, the look has become a bit more 60's-era "mod" with sleeker, minimalist lines, but the overall effect is the same: formal, feminine, and demure…

한국 여성들에게 늘 사랑받는 고유한 스타일. 이 스타일은 깔끔하게 떨어지는 헴라인과 최대한 노출을 배제한 디자인, 주로 리본이나 러플로 장식되고 꽃무늬나 다른 여성스런 패턴으로 포인트를 주는 특징이 있어요. 기자는 이런 스타일을 "예쁜 공주님"이라는 이름을 붙였어요. 이런 스타일은 원래 50년대 쯤에 유행한 포멀한 드레스같은 데서 보여지던 건데 최근에는 한국 거리에서 포멀한 수트르 보여지고 있어요. 이런 옷들은 보통 도톰한 불투명 스타킹, 반짝반짝한 펌프스에 잘 어울리는 백과 드레스 코트 등과 함께 코디하죠. 요즘에 이런 룩들은 좀더 60년대 풍 "모드"가 되어서 좀 더 매끄럽고 미니멀한 라인이지만 전체적인 느낌, 포멀하고 페미닌 하고 얌전한 그런 느낌은 그대로인 경향이 있어요.

…If one wants to truly understand the nature of frilly feminine beauty here, one need only wander through the forests of the many Cyworld pages that are temples of worship for Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly, and are noticeably absense of the more risqué and sexy Marylin Monroe. Indeed, such homages, as well as the looks that accompany them, exist in a mode that is, as the NYT article quoted a fashion forecaster saying, “absolutely without irony.”

프릴이 잔뜩 달린 페미닌한 여성스러움의 진실을 알고싶다구요? 그럼 싸이월드의 수많은 미니홈피를 보세요. 이거야말로 오드리 헵번과 그레이스 켈리를 숭상하는 사원같을 테니까요. 좀 더 외설적이고 이고 섹시한 마릴린 먼로의 느낌같은건 완전히 찾아볼 수가 없어요. 정말로 이런 존경심을 자신들의 스타일로 그대로 표현하는 현상은 NYT의 패션 기자가 말한 "아이러니라고는 철저히 배제한" 것이 현실에 존재하는 것이라고 해도 과언이 아니에요.

Although Koreans might not recognize it as such, with its bolero, fitted cut, and higher hem, and combined with the feminine frills and detailing, this is so unmistakably a Korean style. Combined with the slipper-like summer slings, this is a Korean-style dressy casual that doesn't exist in other places. For better or for worse, such styles are the result of a lot of special and unique factors combining together in a truly Korean way. Not in Italy, Japan, Paris, New York, or LA would one see such a style.

Indeed, Korea's unique position has produced not just a trend, but a permanent look in Korea, one of many produced by the unique mix of cultural influences and social tendencies here. I do think this can result in a lot of attention being paid to Seoul, as it was the case just last week, when several design associations joined together for the first time to call the largest single fashion show series to date "Seoul Fashion Week" instead of holding several separate different exhibitions, as they have for nearly two decades now.

Now, with the support of the Seoul Metropolitan Government (the mayor made a point of attending a show last week as the city renewed its support for Korean design associations and promotion of Korean fashion abroad), it is easy to imagine Seoul being mentioned along with Tokyo, Milan, Paris, and New York within a few years, and for people to be as concerned with what everyday Koreans are wearing as much as the clothes top Korean designers are producing.

When that happens, one will be able to truly call that a "Korean fashion wave," as people from all over the world, through magazines and television, stop to take notice of what people are and aren't wearing on the streets of Seoul and perhaps even Pusan. Who knows? Would anyone have thought of Korea as being a major destination for auteur cinema and hot new directors and their films even in 1998?

A lot can happen in a mere 10 years. Let's wait and see. In the meantime, join me in keeping a closer eye on the streets of Seoul, as we see the upside and some good effects of Korea's obssession with status and appearance. For as bad as those things may be in many other ways, one can't help but note that Korean fashion is looking very fresh and innovative, both on and off the runway.

You DO Know It's Seoul Fashion Week, Right?

Seoul has joined the big boys and started calling its former "Seoul Collection Fashion Show" by the more proper-sounding title of "Seoul Fashion Week" along the lines of Paris, New York, and Tokyo. And, much more than you might think, there's some pretty cool stuff going down on the runways of Seoul, with increased international interest in what some (perhaps as over-optimistically as ever) are calling a "Korean fashion wave." But yet, as in even the former Korean wave, there was some substance to it, some pretty interesting stuff worth looking at. Below follows an excerpt from the picture-filled post of www.FeetManSeoul.com, which you can visit if you'd like to see or read more.

We here at FMS are all about the fashion of the street, what's hot right now. But we can't miss Seoul Fashion Week, right? We go to the runway shows and keep up with fashion at its source -- the runways of high fashion -- but we are mostly concerned with how this will eventually translate into the styles of the street.

When we attend fashion week, FMS looks at more than just the runway shows -- we look at the fashion leaders and what they're wearing. What better place than a fashion show to benchmark what's hot on the street as well? So, we started taking pictures of members of the crowd whose fashion and style caught our eye.

For more Seoul Fashion Week coverage, head on over to www.FeetManSeoul.com and take a gander.

FeetManSeoul Gets Bootilicious in Expat Living!

Check out the fresh styles in our latest, bootilicious installment of Expat Living! (Don't tell me you didn't see that one coming.)

And don't forget about Feetmanseoul.com, where all this comes from.

"아가야, 한번 더 날 때려줘!"

Yes, "hit me baby one more time" makes about as little sense in Korean translation as allegedly "non-sexual" Lolita references do.

This post is in reference to the conversation going on about this in this post and others related to girl groups in Korea...

In reference to Korea Beat's comment, far from giving Britney a free pass, my point has only been to point out that her "I'm not that innocent" thing with the stylized schoolgirl outfit, obviously lascivious dancing, and openly suggestive lyrics defined a style that totally played up on the Lolita fantasy. And it was done in such an overt and smart way that it actually made her dumb ass interesting, and her one-time quote "I'm no one's Lolita fantasy" all the more ridiculous, especially after the Rolling Stone piece on her, which had her dressed up in scandalously risque babydoll clothes and totally played up on the whole Lolita thing all the more.

Her managers/publicists were all much smarter than her, since Britney kind of didn't "get" herself...umm, herself. That first video was then followed up by the infamous red jumpsuit and more of the same. Britney wasn't a gay male favorite because she was playing her Lolita role "straight," to make a slight rhetorical pun.

However, Girls' Generation is a bunch of girls doing the same, while people maintain they're pure, clean, and cute, and everyone tries to erase and deny the blatant fact of their sexualization in that curiously Korean way that college freshman can click-clack to class in 5-inch hooker heels and a leather skirt and when asked if that might not to be too risque for class, people get defensive and indignant and call the gazer the pervert, while letting the main parlayer in and of the male gaze (the women totally subjecting herself to it) off the hook.

I'm saying, in other words, if you're going to truss up girls in miniskirt, white boots, thigh-hi stockings, pigtails, and lollipops, at least frickin' acknowledge what you're doing. Because 40-year-old ajussis – both here and in the land of Britney – are ogling the same kind of girls, using the same kind of imagery, but at least in the US, we admit it. Britney veritably defined the "Lolita figure" in an overt way, weird, but in the end, fun way – that's why a crossdressing man could enter win a Britney look-alike singing contest and win.

Trying to pass off the Wonder Girls and GG as "good, cute, and clean fun" while Korean ajussis are spanking into the Kleenex just as much as any American ajussi who had one hand on the remote while really trying to "hit it one more time" – that strikes me as disturbingly disingenuous, which is my point.

In Korea, it's an uphill battle to even prove the point that these girls are sex symbols at all (before even getting to the question of how appropriate that is for a flat-chested 15-year-old), whereas at least in America, we tend to admit our shit.

If we're going to be comparing Britney and Korean stars, that is, which people seem to tend to want to do.

I think it parallels the notion in idea that in Korea, people are all good, clean Confucians who don't do dirty things (but just save it for the love motels and leave that "skeleton bone" there – hehe, yes, I meant for a double entendre to be read there!), while Americans apparently hump everybody, according to everybody not American.

Just saying to Korean folks, RE: the Wonder Girls et al: why ya playing? Come on. Let's call a spade a spade, a Lolita lascivious. That's all I'm saying.

Yeah, I wouldn't kick any of the Wonder Girls outta bed, but I'd at least feel guilty for thinking so. Except So Hee – umm...jail bait? Ewww?

[source]

Koreans tell me, "But you have to admit she's pretty!" Yeah, she is. But yeah, I've met a lot of girls who, at the ages of 5, 9, 12, and 15 could be recognized as probably being "pretty" – when they grow up. But there's gotta be a line between "She'll be pretty when she's older" and "Man, that chick is hot. I wanna do her." I'm just saying that 1) So Hee being so obviously young amongst women doing pretty sexually suggestive dancing, and 2) the fact that she's apparently a "favorite" among many ajussis, coupled with the fact that 3) I haven't seen any criticism (perhaps I missed it?) in Korean public discourse of these disturbing facts – that all doesn't sit well with me.

Especially in a culture in which wonjo kyojae ("compensated dating" or less euphemistically, paying a middle/high school girl for sex while her motive is apparently usually spending money, not desperation) is such as clear problem, especially with the tastes for young girls apparently growing, if you read the Korean newspapers (it's an older reference, but a good example of when this problem has started being recognized as a major social problem – here's another discussion of the issue).

I'm saying that this kind of guilt at sexually gazing at young girls is what keeps the line between appropriate and inapproriate CLEAR. It's the blurring of that line that keeps social practices such as wonjokyojae going – not only do the men sexualize the girls, but the girls – at an earlier and earlier age – sexualize themselves.

And when people start thinking that videos such as these are OK...that's when I get worried. Because, if you believe lines should be drawn SOMEWHERE, videos such as these are simply NOT OK.

Of course, I'm displaying a typical American Puritanism about sex, but at least mine is thought out, whereas the parents who just think a 6-year-old gyrating in hoochie clothes on YouTube don't seem to have thought about their inherent rationale very much.

Yes, my puritanical skirt is indeed showing. As an American, Cotton Mather is my daddy, too.

FeetManSeoul: Merry Christmas from Seoul!

This Christmas season, the must-have item is the bear hat, courtesy of Paris Baguette. And if you are a couple, a matching pair is the way to go. This couple is the quintessential Seoul Christmas couple, since they're not only rocking the hats, but have a Christmas cake in tow, as well as a little bit of candy, a lollipop that looks freshly picked from a Dr. Seuss Christmas tree. All items, it appears, that you can find in the original commercial.

There's actually more to this article – check it out at FeetManSeoul.com!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas!

As many of you might know, Christmas in Korea or Japan is a romantic holiday, as opposed to the more family-oriented affair that it tends to be in America.

Over on FeetManSeoul, we caught a cute Christmas couple that seemed to perfectly embody the Korean holiday spirit.

Check out FeetManSeoul for the complete set!

Podcast #32: Korean Wave Ebbing

Finally! A new podcast! Get it here! (Or in the left menu.) It's a long one (1hr 27mins), so you'll have a lot to chew on until the next one. Since it's a good conversation, I think it's worth the listen. Just can't do it all in one sitting. And hey – more time flying away on your commute!

Recorded almost 2 months ago, me, Regina of Where the Hell Am I, and my ethnocmusicologist friend Donna talk shop and even a little shit about the ebbing of the "Korean Wave."

I had to sit on this podcast because I still wasn't "out" as the man behind FeetManSeoul.com, as I wanted to wait until the visiting Associated Press reporter had finished her piece on me. She introduces herself at the beginning of the podcast.

Some sites and videos mentioned in the podcast:

Stephen Colbert's "Singing in Korean" video:

The two crazy cool Korean high school girls karaoke video:

Mongdori's post on racist cartoons and an example:

And links:

DramaBeans

Where the Hell Am I?

KoreanFilm.org

The Marmot's Hole

Running Time: 1hr 27mins
File Size: 60 MB
File Info: 96 kbps Stereo at 44.1 kHz, MPEG-2, layer 3 (MP3)

DOWNLOAD it here.

Getting Anthropological with the Wonder Girls

Thanks to Gusts of Popular Feeling for the lengthy, well-thought write up. For another sendup on the Wonder Girls, I think it's a smart piece. And I do like the fact that we can have a conversation here, building on each other and adding, helping the thought processes move along. Two related posts:

"Reading too much into the Wonder Girls"

"Perceptions of teens in the mid-1990's"

I am especially glad that Matt went and did the latter write-up, since he explicitly found a lot of the stuff I had read and heard about back in the 1990's and from working in alternative and youth education in the 2000's. That's where a lot of my apparent anger and disgust with the Wonder Girls marketing and reception by older men is coming from, since there are some pretty significant reasons in Korean society for alarm bells to be going off here.

At least, from one perspective.

Great job, and as always, great blog.

You Can't Escape It

I would say that I hate to beat a dead horse, but this horse ain't even close to going down.

People think I started out just hatin' on these girls, but the funny thing is that I started out not only with a positive initial impression of them, I was actually pretty jazzed that someone (JYP, no less!) was doing 80's revival music. I was actually pumped when I saw the pre-debut marketing stuff.

But alas, I was greatly disappointed, and perhaps because I had such high expectations – but certainly not because I am no longer able to enjoy pop silliness. As I said recently, the group and the girls simply have no talent whatsoever, which calls even further into question why we are listening and looking at them on stage, besides the pedophilically obvious.

Besides the obvious similarities to one of my favorite little 80's songs haunting my iPod, the original song better conveys an actual sexy feel, and Stacey Q also can't dance to save her life, and her lip-syncing looks like she ain't even trying. But check out 1:24! Says Stacey, "You came in the nick of time!" as she rears back to not-so-subtly simulate fellating the microphone. Oh, the things I totally missed when I was young and innocent! Who knew? This is hilarious. At least it's clear what this song's really about, if you listen closely to its spare lyrics.

"Come on, come on," indeed! (And this ain't the first time, either. Check out this page, with a very familiar song that'll play when you click the first blue play symbol on the page. Just scroll down a bit. It has a couple of nice comparisons between these two songs.)

As I established when looking at the original marketing of the Wonder Girls, back when JYP hit reset on the group and changed their look from bad schoolgirl uniforms to retro 80's, they were actually doing a cool job with their whole look, including an electronica 80's, rasterized video game background that did a good job of flashing me back to middle school, acid-washed jeans, and catchy tunes. I was actually looking forward to the group's debut, and loved what I called their "nostalgia marketing." (And if you look on this page, you can see why I had no idea this girl was 14, and even if I had, i didn't have any particular problems with her look.) I even had some Photoshop fun adding in video game elements to the obviously video game-esque backgrounds, because, well, I'm a dork.

I'm also intensely nostalgic about 80's music and always fantasized that somebody would capitalize on us 30-somethings wanting a revival of that bubble-gum genre of pure silliness.

Then I saw the Wonder Girls actually perform.

I ain't no ethnomusicologist, but "come on, come on." My opinion on them changed 180 degrees because the girls are simply untalented. Period. I even admit that I kinda like the catchy tune, but think it's ruined by these non-singin', non-dancin' girls who reek of jailbait.

And let's admit that this song is pretty derivative, something I could forgive if it were actually performed well, in the same way that Korea (and most importantly, Cypress Hill) forgave Seo Taiji and the Boys for blatantly ripping off, on their 4th album, not only their musical style, but the timbre and tenor of their voices when rapping, the samples, and even CH's very distinct and identifiable signature traits: the nasal, monotone, and staccato progressions, the abrupt pauses in the middle of songs, and even the peculiar mixture of rap with electric guitar riffs and eerie, scratchy jazz pseudo-samples.

But Seo Taiji and the Boys had their snowboarding thing, they could dance their asses off, and they just looked fucking cool. All the foreigners at the time loved them, if not mostly because "Come Back Home" reminded us of Cypress Hill's "Insane in the Membrane" and "How I Could Just Kill a Man" merged into a single tune.

And no, I'm not getting all old fogey just because I'm using an old example. The Wonder Girls could have been great, despite the breathy and plaintive moaning of the lyrics, the obvious use of electronicky keyboards and old-school, Casio-era synthesizer drums, and even the signature "Wow, I bought a sampler!" overuse of the electronic stutter that is Stacey Q to a T.

It all coulda been fun, except that, unlike Seo Taiji and his colleagues, the Wonder Girls can't pull off even holding their own tune together.

That's all I'm saying.

Oh, besides the fact that Sohee looks like Jodi Foster dolled up for dirty dollars in the movie Taxi Driver, that is.

I think it's cool that there's this new community of people growing around doing the dance. And it's hilarious to see what people do with all that extra time on their hands. The participants in the new "imagined community" of "Tell Me" run the gamut from soldiers, girls studying for the college entrance exam, and even video game characters. I find the "Soldier's Version" ever the more interesting, although somehow disturbing. Those guys hit their marks, though!

This school version cracks me up. Watch the teacher in the back and note the students in the front when the refrain starts.

Now, this has made my day. Frickin' game characters. Now, that's hella funny. So, I'll admit it. I'm catching this damn "Tell Me Wave". You can only look into the darkness so long before it starts to look back, you know.

As Charleton Heston's character screamed when he gazed upon the proof of the utter hopelessness of his struggle at the end of Planet of the Apes, "Damn you, talentless, pubescent Wonder Girls! Damn you all to Hell!"